London, 31st October 2012.

As it was Halloween and a Halloween gig, Louise, Annabel and I arrived in London in our normal clothes with the aim of getting changed before we went to the gig. Louise and Annabel got changed in the car park under Euston station, but when I put my outfit on I realised I’d lost weight since I’d last worn it and it was now way too big for me. I didn’t want to be the only person not in fancy dress, so I ended up going to Camden Market and buying a dress with a glow-in-the-dark skeleton on it for £20. I then put it on in a Burger King toilet because I am a classy bird.

Clear memories from this night are few (bar the breakdown I’ll talk about in a minute), but I know at one point I asked Pill if I could kiss him on the cheek because I was wearing black lipstick and I thought it’d leave an awesome print on a cheek.
I was right, it did. Probably would have worked better without the beard but hey, you can’t have it all. 

I didn’t watch much of Wednesday 13, which is something I’ve always regretted cos I used to love The Murderdolls and I quite like Wednesday’s solo stuff, but my outstanding moment in the set was Wednesday saying “Hey London, do you know what I did last night?” to which I responded with “If you say you walked with a zombie I’m gonna lose my shit.” “I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE!” and then I ran around in a little circle and disappeared to try and find a better vantage point. I still couldn’t really see but I enjoyed standing in the crowd and screaming the lyrics.

I had a total, complete and utter breakdown after this gig. Outside the venue when we were talking to the lads, it got to the point of having to start to say goodbye and I remember trying to say ‘thank you’ to Beveridge and just bursting into tears. I think I got halfway through saying “This has been the best month of my life” before I started to totally lose it and actually had to walk away. I know I hugged Beveridge around the middle and said “Please don’t forget about us when you’re rich and famous” and the next day he tweeted “Thanks to everyone who came out and made last night so special, you won’t be forgotten” and I had to lock myself in Louise’s pantry and cry by myself in the dark.

At some point Pill came over to us with a look of utter confusion on his face and said “…Have you seen a Mexican?” I looked at him for a split second then burst out laughing. 

Turned out he’d meant a Mexican restaurant, not someone in a sombrero. 

I told him it was around the corner and he disappeared. How I knew where it was and he didn’t I’ll never understand.

I also tried to say bye to Drew that night, but ended up latching myself to him from behind with my arms around his waist and telling him I was never letting go. His delightful response to this was “I’ll have to poo some time, Meg.”

I cried all the way back to the car, and once in the car the CD player threw out At War With The Thirst and I actually broke my heart. I proper mouth open, snot everywhere sobbed.
It was not attractive.

Trigger warning: Suicide/Self harm.

The reason that I found that last gig so crushing was because I didn’t actually know when I’d see the guys again after that. I’d just spent the best part of three months following these boys around the country with barely a month between gigs (my biggest gap was Download to Yeneville) and now I was going to have to spend an indefinite amount of time without seeing them. It killed me. The gigs were my escape from everything, and not knowing when I was going to escape again was more than I could handle. It was during this break, some time right at the start of November, that I fell out with someone I used to call a friend. She threw all sorts of shit at me, and that coupled with missing the lads like fuck and not seeing a way out of the deep dark hole I’d wormed my way into meant that I ended up finding myself sat in my bath with a butcher knife pretty ready to kill myself. But then I started thinking about Pill, and what he’d said to me at Yeneville when he’d seen my scars. (I told you he popped into my head when I needed him.) I thought I’d be letting him down if I did anything. Then I started thinking about Beveridge. I didn’t want to end my life without seeing him again, or any of them really. At this point I’d come to the conclusion that Beveridge and I were pretty similar and saw him as someone I could confide in, and for some reason something about that connection made me put down the knife and get out of the bath. (Just under a year on from this on the Madina Lake tour I’d ask him to do me a favour regarding the fact that he was one of the reasons I was alive, but more on that later.) I should also say that in the midst of all this the thought of my mother finding her only kid dead in the bath also made me realise this probably wasn’t the best of decisions.

But anyway, that’s why I credit those two tall hairy bastards with being two of the reasons I’m alive. And I couldn’t love them more for it.

Sorry this one got so deep. Honesty is the future.

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

Wrexham, 30th October 2012.

Wrexham was quite possibly my favourite night on Killing is Dead cos so much happened. It was the last ‘official’ night of the tour, because (as I think I mentioned earlier) The Dead Lay Waiting weren’t playing at Koko, that was FVK’s gig supporting Wednesday 13, and it was mental.

The day started badly when we had to get a bus to the hotel. It was the first time Becky and I had shared a room and I had no idea where they’d booked us into, and it turned out it was a hotel pretty much at a service station next to a motorway. Amazing. We got a bus there and had to ask the driver to tell us when to get off cos we had no idea where we were going. In fact before all this happened I’m 99% sure Becky almost got run over by FVK in their van. In fact I’m 100% sure.

Before we even went into the gig shit started going down. Wrexham is a pretty shite place, to be honest, and it probably isn’t the best place to stand around a venue for several hours dressed all in black and wearing a lot of make-up. At one point when Emma and I walked back from McDonalds we happened to pass some chavs who were threatening to set us on fire with homemade flamethrowers made of cans of hairspray and lighters. Wonderful. Not long after this Drew and Shane came out of the venue to go over to a supermarket, and I was so worried about them being attacked by the firey chavs I actually escorted them across the road like a concerned parent. Whilst they were away the chavs got louder and closer and we started to get more and more worried, so when Drew and Shane were safely back inside we ended up calling the police. I tweeted Drew to inform him that the chavs had been moved on, and he replied telling me that he was glad, because he was about to send down a ‘posse’ to sort them out. (When I got inside and asked him who the ‘posse’ was, he told me it consisted of Pill, Dave and Tom of TDLW. Not so much a ‘posse’ as a trio, really…)

The first support band were called My Favourite Runner Up, and the only reason I know that is because when FVK played in Wrexham again about a year later they supported them again and I spent the entire set wondering why they looked so familiar until I finally clicked. …That’s as much information as I can give about them, really. Nothing against them, I just… don’t remember anything…

The Dead Lay Waiting’s set was great cos they have (had? They’re not a band any more and this makes me a bit sad) a song called Take Me Away, and every night when they announced it Luke Lucas (the lead singer) asked the crowd to repeat four words after him (“You. Take. Me. Away.”) and every night Annabel and I shouted “YOU TAKE ME AWAY!” before he had chance to announce the words to repeat. Because Annabel couldn’t make the show, I made a sign that said “Annabel says YOU TAKE ME AWAY” and just as Luke went to introduce the song I held it up right in his face. He read it and just said “Even when she’s not here she fucking ruins it.”

FVK’s set was my favourite. I mean their set was my favourite set of every night but this was my favourite set of all of their sets on the tour. Drew and Shane came out onto the stage wearing orange and pink wigs (respectively) for reasons I don’t fully understand, and from there things only got better.

My favourite moment was during Could We Burn, Darling?, when Beveridge sang the line “Their eyes shine like gaslight, their fingers gag my throat” and he reached out and put his hand around my throat.

At some point Beveridge referred to himself as the Pavarotti of the band, and someone shouted “But thinner and more alive!” and he responded with “…Pavarotti’s dead?!” and I just went “Yes, babe” (where babe came from I’ll never know) and we proceeded to have a 30 second conversation with him on stage and me on the front row about when Pavarotti had died. Amazing. (I said “about 5 years ago” and when I googled it later that night I discovered he’d died in 2007 so I was bang on go me.)

I have an amazing video (here) of At War With The Thirst from this gig. Beveridge shoves his whole hand in his mouth after singing “…sucking at my veins” and then grabs  my shoulder for some reason. A split second after doing so he realises his hand is covered in spit and wipes it on his jeans, before grabbing my shoulder again.
No, I don’t know either.

After Club Tropicana (which was wild) Dave appeared on stage and threw Pill over his shoulder. I don't know why he did it but it was one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen because Pill looked so happy.

After the show was the best of times, because Tom from TDLW took Becky and I through backstage to the back of the venue where the vans were, and we just bummed around there for ages waiting for the bands. Someone’s Dad was driving TDLW’s van (I think it might have been Tom’s dad) and he’d brought his dog with him, and we spent ages fussing him. The main thing I remember about the dog actually is Dave encouraging him to get into FVK’s van and Beveridge just shouting “DAVE IF THAT DOG IS IN MY BED I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU”. 

At one point Tom stole my iPod and was running round with it trying to find his own band’s music on there. There was none.

The last thing I remember happening before we left to go and find some food was being stood talking to Beveridge (I can’t remember what about, I think it might have been my degree?) and hearing a massive ‘clang’ and a load of laughter from behind me. I jumped and spun around and Beveridge and I went over to the crowd to see what was happening. Pill was on the floor holding his head. For reasons best known to himself, he’d decided to run headfirst into a metal pole. Deliberately, I might add. Becky got the whole thing on video (here), and it’s still my go to thing when I’m sad. It’s perfect.

When it was time for TDLW to leave I was stood around when Luke Lucas was saying bye to Beveridge. I don't know why, but I encouraged Beveridge to pick him up, and consequently ended up with these beautiful shots. 

When we left, Becky and I ended up in a takeaway down the road, and we’d only been in there a couple of minutes when FVK came in. Beveridge left pretty much immediately because he thought he’d seen a Chinese down the road and he was really excited by the thought of Chinese food. He came back a couple of minutes later looking totally crushed. It wasn’t a Chinese. It was a chicken shop. (…Have I mentioned at any point that Beveridge is vegetarian?) I have a photo of Drew and Shane in this takeaway actually, Shane asked me to take a photo of them and I really don’t know why…

I have a vague recollection of Pill shouting something at the fruit machine that he’d put £1 in… We left the lads in the take-away to head out and find a taxi cos our Travelodge was a ridiculous distance from anything, and instead of sitting waiting we decided to go for a wander. 

We stumbled across Pill having a piss up a bin. Definitely a sight I could have lived without.

When we got back to the hotel I knew I had to be up to get home the next day (Becky was making their own way to London but I was booked on a fairly early train and meeting Louise at Euston) so I set my alarm on my phone. Well. I say that. I tried to set the alarm on my phone.
Louise had given me her old phone at the start of the tour because my shitty little 2010 Nokia was slowly but surely dying and she’d recently upgraded, which was amazing but I wasn’t used to having to unlock my phone to use it.
I changed my lock screen and then almost immediately forgot what I’d changed it to. Like I had no idea. I tried everything I could think of and eventually completely locked myself out of the phone. I had to sheepishly ask Becky if I could borrow their phone to text Louise to ask for the information I needed to unlock my phone and also to set an alarm so I could be up. This resulted in Becky having to tell me THEIR lock screen so that I could access Louise’s reply and unlock my phone.
What a fucking mess.
Anyway. I got into my phone the next morning, but by this time I’d gotten myself into such a flap that my mum ended up coming to pick me up from Wrexham and I drove to London with Louise and Annabel.
I left Becky a note explaining most of this on a chip box because I couldn’t find any paper.

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

Milton Keynes, 26th October 2012.

Like Peterborough, Milton Keynes wasn’t a gig we planned to do. We decided on the day that we couldn’t  last a week without seeing them, so again I offered to pay Louise and Annabel in and away we went. We decided not to tell anyone we were going, with the idea of hiding from the band until they hit the stage. A bit like Basingstoke, but without bumping into them in the car park. That didn’t really work out so well, as halfway through the first support act (FVK weren’t headlining this gig, they were support for a Slipknot tribute act called Knotslip) Drew came and stood with us. I genuinely  don’t think in 103 gigs I’ve ever managed to surprise all of the guys with my presence. In this instance Beveridge was the only one we actually managed to surprise, halfway through about the second or third song he saw us stood a few rows back and grinned and reached out to us. Bless him.

Knotslip were, from what I remember, actually really pretty fucking good. I wandered forwards in the crowd to get a better view at one point, and I ended up stood behind some really tall fucker. I turned to Louise and said “WHY DO I ALWAYS END UP BEHIND A BASTARD GIANT.”
The giant turned round.
It was Beveridge.

I somehow ended up at the back of the venue again not that much later and was stood by the merch with the guys when I realised Knotslip were playing Spit It Out. Having seen Slipknot live at Download like 3 years before, I knew that Corey called for everyone to get down and then ‘jump the fuck up’. The singer of Knotslip (I don’t know his name) did the same. I threw my glasses on the merch table when he asked us to get down for fear of jumping up and ending up in a pit, which luckily I didn’t, but when I turned to get my glasses off the merch table they were gone. I started to panic, then began to say “Pill have you seen my glasses” when I looked up and realised they were on his face. He hadn’t even realised they were mine, he’d just found them and decided to put them on cos he thought it was funny.

I felt really sorry for Beveridge this night, cos one of my outstanding memories of this gig is him spending most of it trying to get away from a very very drunk girl who was dressed as a nurse and clearly trying to chat him up. He was very polite and I swear at one point I stopped laughing at him and rescued him.

I think this was one of the first times I talked to Maz properly too. I have some form of vague memory of talking to her and the lads by the van and taking a group photo with them for her. I think there was some sort of incident involving the van and a bollard but I forget what that was. Maybe it’ll come back to me one day…

Until next time,

Meg Mercury xoxo

Nottingham, 24th October 2012.

Nottingham had the worst support act I think I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t even know what they were called but holy shit they were painfully bad. Their lead singer thought he was the best thing since sliced bread and was thrusting his leather-trousered crotch in the faces of everyone on the front row. I’d lost my voice at this point of the tour, as I had a horrific cold and was getting minimal sleep in between gigs, and I remember going up to Pill and trying to mime something about the support being awful and that the stage was the wrong height for me and the singer wouldn’t leave me alone, and his response was “Just shove him in the face”. I then explained that it wasn’t actually his face that was the problem, and Pill absolutely pissed himself laughing, because he’s a lovely human.

HOWEVER Nottingham was also the second time I saw Sondura, which was a huge bonus. I had my photo taken with Tom this night because the difference between us height-wise is still one of my favourite things in the world.

I suppose it’s a bit early to mention this but I can’t think how else to approach it so here we go. It was through Sondura that I met Stevie D. I went to see Sondura a couple of times at their own gigs because I loved them so much, and I think after a while all of them knew me by sight if not by name. After they fell off the grid I continued to see Tom and Steve around the place at various gigs/festivals and we always used to speak to each other. I don’t think either of them really knew how they knew me until they started associating me with FVK and I think I formally introduced myself to Steve at a LostAlone show in about 2014. As I’m sure many of you are aware, Stevie D became the lads’ tour manager in their last 12/18 months as a band and I swear to God it was an honour to get to know the man better. He passed away in March and I miss him so much. I think about him at least once a damn day, as thanks to the placement of my tribute tattoo I can’t go for a pee without wanting to sing the Sondura song “Live Before You Die”. (Stevie used to drink Strongbow, hence the arrow, and Live Before You Die was always my favourite Sondura song. Jack once dedicated that song to “the Fearless Vampire Killers girls” at a gig at Scruffy Murphy’s, and that’s the only time I’ve ever had a song dedicated to me haha.)

Anyway. Back to what I’m actually here to talk about.

Louise, Annabel and I got emotional in Nottingham because it was our last proper date together on the tour, as Becky and I were doing Wrexham on the 30^th but they weren’t, and Koko, which was the last night, didn’t have The Dead Lay Waiting there. We were all in tears, I remember Maz giving me a tissue, and as the guys were loading out, Beveridge saw me stood on my own (Louise and Annabel were saying bye to The Dead Lay Waiting) and came over and gave me a huge hug and asked why I was crying. I told him that it was our last proper night together on Killing is Dead and he looked down at me and said “You’re coming to Wrexham though, right?” and I nodded.

It wasn’t until afterwards I even realised that I hadn’t told him at any point that I was going to Wrexham. 

I don’t know how he knew. I think he’s magic.

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

Bristol, 23rd October 2012.

The main thing that I remember about Bristol is asking Beveridge what his opinion was on spoons. I don’t even remember how that came about, other than Maz and I were talking about spoons (I think I’m still saved in her phone as ‘Meg Spoon’). For reasons I don’t fully remember, Louise, Annabel and I decided we’d dress up in suits for this gig. I think it was something to do with Davey, but I forget the exact story. I did not look good. In fact, I looked like a waiter, and Davey told me so.
EDIT: At the editing stage I remembered that the reason we all wore suits to this gig was because this was the first time we’d seen Ashes and FVK in the same room since Yeneville, and Ashes had all worn suits to Yeneville, so we decided to copy them and get dressed up. I don’t know why this seemed like a good idea at the time, but it really did.

Bristol is another one I remember little of, meaning it was probably a fairly standard gig. Oh, I nearly passed out because it was so damn hot and my ribs were still so uncomfortable. But that’s about all the exciting-ness I can remember.

Photo depicting my attempt to confuse Drew. It didn't work. He knew it was me.

Club Tropicana was pretty wild this night because there were so many people on the stage, video evidence of this carnage here.

I think I met Beveridge’s brother this night, but I don’t really remember how or why that was a thing that came to pass… I think they’d gone to the corner shop for ice cream (?) and I went to get a drink because of the almost faint and bumped into them and Beveridge introduced me… I don’t remember his name (was it Paul? (Edit: Apparently it was not)) or indeed what we talked about but you know. It was still a thing that happened.

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

Peterborough, 18th October 2012.

We weren’t supposed to go to Peterborough. I was working 1.30 till 5.30 that day, and I was still high as a kite on the painkillers I was taking for my ribs when I was on the train home (and at work but that’s another story) talking to Maz about spoons on Twitter when I suddenly thought I’d ask Louise if I thought we could make Peterborough that night if I paid her and Annabel in. It wasn’t until about 4 o’clock, an hour before I finished work and literally only about two hours before doors that we even officially decided to go.

Louise, Annabel and Becky picked me up after work, and I RAN into my house, changed out of my uniform, grabbed my corset, made a flask of tea for Dave (did I mention at any point that we used to take a flask of tea for Dave and a flask of coffee for Shane to every gig?) and legged it back out of the house.

I’m going to take a brief break at this point to say I have no sense of geography. Literally none. I’ve been all over the country following these guys, and I couldn’t point out 99% of the places I’ve been on a map.

That being said, I think it’s safe for you to assume that I had (and by ‘had’ I mean ‘have’) no concept of how far away Peterborough was. The only thing I remember is looking at my phone when we’d been in the car about an hour and my GPS telling me that we were still two hours away. I brought this up and at the point we genuinely considered turning around and going back, but then we decided we’d been in the car for an hour so we might as well carry on.  At some point during this journey I decided to climb into the very back of the car and put my corset on underneath my t-shirt, which was my own way of fixing my still very painful ribs.

When we got there, we found there were only about 20 people actually at the gig, and yet unfortunately I ended up stood next to the most IRRITATING GIRL IN THE WORLD. She was claiming to be a photographer and repeatedly elbowed me in the ribs trying to stand in front of me, even after me explaining to her that I was struggling with fucked-up-rib-syndrome. At one point I couldn’t hack her any more and stormed off to talk to Drew. It was somewhere around this point that he called me ‘Ribby’ for the first time, and I informed him that that nickname made me sound like a condom. He asked if I’d been to see a doctor, and I pulled up my t-shirt and showed him that I was wearing a corset, which was ‘pretty much the same thing’ in my book. He told me to ‘stay off the front row or at least sit down for a bit’, which I refused. At some point I realised that when I’d shown Drew my corset under my shirt whilst he was stood in a corner and I was stood with my back to the room, so it looked suspiciously like I’d flashed him. I told him this and he responded with “I’m glad you didn’t, that would have been scary.”
“Oh so now my boobs are scary?”
“Well no, I mean, yes, because I know you, I mean…”
I’d actually pretty much forgotten this happened until I started writing this. 
I am a bad person.

The lads almost didn’t play an encore this night. The crowd was really crap, I think there was pretty much us on the front row, a row behind us and that was about it. Luckily, the four of us knew there was an encore so we started chanting “FVGAY! FVGAY! FVGAY!”
The band knew how poor the crowd were so they came out and announced Beveridge had in fact been sat behind the merch desk because he wasn’t expecting us to call for an encore.
Kemp looked down at us from the stage and said “You guys had best not have been chanting ‘FVGay’…”
“Who, us? Nooo…”
Kemp: “You little shits.”
Annabel: “You love us really.”
Kemp: “Lovely little shits.”

This was also the night the merch board fell on Drew’s head and Dave shot me in the eye with a Nerf gun. Good times.

I think this was also the first time that I hugged Drew around the middle from behind. He didn’t really react, he just said “Hi Meg”. I asked him how he knew it was me. The answer I got was “Because of the height the arms were at.” …..Fair play.

This was the first gig after which I ever really spent any time with The Dead Lay Waiting, and my outstanding memories of this time include Luke Lucas prancing around in Annabel’s Hello Kitty hat and Ben somehow ending up inventing a guy called “Jesus (hay-seus) Bonk” who he claimed was his Mexican friend. (This actually ended up as a running joke for the tour.) I tried to get a group photo but it ended up with the most bizarre half arsed two band photo I think I’ve ever seen.

I also asked Shane and Beveridge for a photo of all of us with our glasses on. I didn’t normally wear my glasses to gigs but I was rushing so much to get changed when I’d finished work I’d forgotten to take them off so I’d ended up taking them with me. I decided to make the most of it and ask for a photo of ‘Team Glasses’. Beveridge looks really angry with someone behind the photographer but apart from that it’s not too bad a photo. 

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

Wolverhampton, 17th October 2012.

This was the day my mum met the guys for the first time. It was amazing. She was really only there to meet Pill and get some new trainers, but Shane happened to be milling around so I introduced them to each other and then asked Shane to go and get Pill (Mum loves Pill, I don’t know why) and God bless him he appeared a few seconds later and gave mum a hug. Mum has her eyes closed in both the photos but let’s ignore that.

After Mum had met Pill and they’d had a little chat we went to go into the town to go and find mum some trainers, and we walked smack into Beveridge, who’d been to CEX to buy some DVDs. I don’t know why I remember this, but one of them was an Avril Lavigne live DVD. Mum actually poked Beveridge in the tummy because she went to shake his hand when she met him and he hugged her instead which she wasn’t expecting. Bless them both.

When I was in the editing stage I suddenly realised that this was the day I made Beveridge share some Moomins chocolate buttons with me that my friend had sent me from Finland. I don’t know how or when but we’d had a conversation about Moomins (twitter?) and I’d mentioned that my friend had moved to Finland and she sent me loads of Moomins based stuff, including some chocolate buttons I was willing to share with him, so I took them to Wolves. He ate about two, I think.

Gig-wise, the guys were supported that night by Sondura, who I totally fell in love with. The crowd didn’t get behind them at all, but I totally fell for them. Tom, the lead singer gave a shout out at one point to Hooch, because he was so excited that it was back in production, and I think Louise and I were the only people in the room who had any idea what Hooch was. I felt so sorry for him.
Hang tight for much more information on Sondura. I’m only touching on them very briefly here but like… more to come on them.

Because Beveridge had asked me the Latin for ‘exploding’ in Stoke, I’d Googled it and found out that the Latin for ‘exploding’ is in fact ‘exploding’, which I found a bit of a disappointment I can’t lie. Basically he’d wanted to know in the first place to introduce Exploding Heart Disorder in Latin, and so I looked the phrase up but kept forgetting to tell him what it was, so this night I wrote ‘EHD’ on the palm of my hand and held it up to him so he knew I knew. When he went to introduce the song I shouted his name and pointed at my hand, and so he said ‘Hang on’, stepped forwards to the barrier, put the mic in my face and said ‘Meg, what’s this song called?’
And that’s the story of the only time I was allowed near a microphone. ACTUALLY SHIT NO WAIT. THERE WAS ANOTHER TIME. Okay more on that in another post.

Here is a video of Club Tropicana, just in case you'd like to pretend you were there. Or relive the gig if you were actually there.

EDIT: After the show, I gave Beveridge a Reese’s peanut butter bar that I’d written “Love Meg” on. He looked at it and just went “… Love me?”
I tried.