Doncaster, 21st August 2012.

Doncaster is an odd one for me. I got in from Yeneville the night before it and when Mum asked me how it was I burst into tears because I was so happy and relayed to her that I had the chance to go to Doncaster the next day and she agreed to let me go again (bless her I still don’t think she understands why I do so many gigs and I’ve done pretty much 100 more since Doncaster). I went to bed for all of about 5 hours and then went and got on a train to meet Louise and Annabel and Becky and head waaaaaaaay up north.

We hadn’t actually told Pill that I’d been given permission to go to Doncaster with the idea that we’d be on the front row so that when they walked out I could be like “I MADE IT!” but as it turned out the venue (The Leopard, RIP. Except I think it’s back now. Maybe RIP maybe not.) had an upstairs, which was where the stage was, and as I walked up the stairs to go into the room I walked smack into Pill. It wasn’t the surprise I was aiming for, but it was still pretty cute and he hugged my head.

Apart from the bit that I’ll explain after there are only two things that I really remember about Doncaster (eliminating the one particularly horrific support band whose name I can’t even remember but the singer was trying to hard to be Ziggy Stardust and failing so hard that Louise had to leave the room). One of them is Drew coming out on stage with his flies undone, and me having to call him over to tell him so, as no one around us would tell him. His response was “It’s hot, it needs air!”  I don’t know what I said in return, or even if I said anything, but I will never forget that as long as I live. The other thing that I remember is cutting my arm open on an amp. I only remember that cos I picked at it when it scabbed and I now have a really faint scar there. Go me.

The reason I have such mixed feelings about Doncaster is that just before FVK’s set, I had a text  informing me that the girl my ex had cheated on me with and gotten pregnant had had the baby. In all fairness I had asked my friend to let me know if he heard anything, but I really hadn’t expected to find out the information out of the blue or indeed at a gig. I tried to forget about it during the set (this was during my “front row or no show” days, so it was pretty easy to have periods without it on my mind, namely when Beveridge was holding my hand or I was screaming lyrics something) but afterwards it hit me full in the face. At one point I told Pill that I was really sad because my cheating ex had had a baby and he tried to comfort me by telling me it could be worse, I could have just had a baby. I told him that was a good point and I couldn’t possibly cope with a baby now, and he said “I’d be terrified if I had a baby now.”, to which I responded with “…Pill I’D be terrified if you had a baby now.”
Then he laughed and mimed ‘giving birth’ which was pretty spectacular.

Then we took a photo where he was leaning on my head.

This was also the night that I heard Beveridge say ‘cunt’ for the first time. I can’t remember why he said it but I remember hearing it and me immediately going “SAY THAT AGAIN” because although I’m not a huge fan of the word in general Beveridge says it in the most beautiful manner and it was a wonderful thing to behold.

I don’t remember how I came to be sitting on the floor weeping into my knees but somehow that happened, and as Beveridge walked past me I asked him if there was anything I could do to help because I needed a distraction, and he looked slightly lost for a moment before handing me his bottle of Budweiser and saying “…You can look after my beer?” I asked him if I could drink it (through my snotty sobs) and he, in all his adorableness, responded with “…Do you just want one?” and then disappeared and came back with a full bottle for me, which made me cry even more because that happens when people are nice to me. I hadn’t actually had an alcoholic drink in almost a year at that point, as I’d had my drink spiked at a Halloween party the year before and it had made me extremely paranoid, and it wasn’t until afterwards that I realised that not only was I drinking alcohol, I hadn’t even seen it being opened. I trusted him so much that I’d taken it without question.

I think in the end I actually helped the lads load out and then we all hung around by the van whilst I alternated between crying and laughing and probably generally looked a bit mental. I remember repeatedly hugging Beveridge and Pill, and at one point I had my arms around Beveridge and was having a little cry on him as he hugged me and he bent down to me and said “You deserve better” and then once again I cried even harder. About 30 seconds later Pill came up behind me and hugged me from behind and I had one of the greatest hugs I have ever experienced.

The last thing I remember about that night is Louise taking my hand and telling me I could watch Queen in the back of the car on the way home and Pill saying he’d watch Queen too, and we’d ‘watch it in sync’.
I love that boy.

Until next time, 

Meg Mercury xoxo

EDIT EDIT EDIT: I'm currently in Andover at the Stevie D memorial weekender and I've been hit in the face with a memory from this night.
I can't remember how it came about but Pill started telling me everyone's middle names. He told me his was Darren, and I thought he then informed me that Kemp's middle name was Gollum.
It isn't.
It's Dorran.
I was gutted.
Imagine though.
Kier Gollum Kemp.