Stoke, 17th April 2013.

Stoke was fabulous cos I met Paula for the first time. I don’t even know how we got talking, I think it was in the lobby of the hotel after I’d run back to get something but I don’t really remember… Was it pens maybe? Something anyway. More on that later.

I can’t remember what time we got to the venue but it must have been pretty early cos I know I wanted to be front row and Maz agreed to be on front row with me, which is really unusual. Spending time at the venue before the show is always a bonus cos you normally get to see the band before they actually go in to soundcheck.
At one point I ended up taking Gaskin to Tesco cos he wanted someone to show him where it was and everyone else who offered sort of screamed when he asked them, so he asked me to go with him. I bought a little purple hippo while I was there cos I’d forgotten my cuddly penguin who accompanies me on tour and I can’t sleep without cuddling something. The reason I’ve mentioned this hippo is because when I got back, for reasons I don’t fully recall at the moment, I asked Shane to draw a beard on it and turn it into Pill for me. He did without question, bless him.

 In fact, this was the day that I asked him to draw “Thomas the Tank Penguin” which was the brainchild of Maz and I. Again I don’t really recall how that came into being but I gave Shane a piece of paper that I’d been writing a Spike Milligan poem I wanted to learn on and asked him to draw this creation for me. He took the piece of paper and disappeared into the venue. When he came back he handed me the drawing and uttered the amazing sentence “I couldn’t remember what ears penguins had, so I gave it pointy ones.”

For some reason Drew and Shane went to Tesco and came back with some ceramic garden ornaments. I can’t remember who had what but one of them had a mushroom and one of them had some dogs. I’ve never known why that was or what happened to them. The ornaments. Not Drew and Shane.

Actually in the gig, Kemp let me sing. Like actually held the mic in my face and let me sing the line “…and be loved” in Bite Down on my Winchester. That’s actually how I found Paula on Facebook, I think, I asked if anyone had filmed it and she had (sadly for me and luckily for you guys the video has since been lost). Poor Paula. Her introduction to me was my awful voice. And the poor lads being able to hear me in their earpieces.
Anyway, it’s Kemp’s fault.

I thanked him afterwards for letting me sing with him, and he responded with “Thank YOU.” When I asked him what for he paused for a second and then said “…For knowing the words.”
Kemp it hardly my first gig was it mate.

We stuck around for AGES after the gig. I can’t remember whether the lads were off the next day or something, but we were hanging out for a ridiculously long time. It was windy as FUCK though, and at one point Pill (God bless you Pill I do adore you) piped up “Why is it so windy? Are we by the sea?” YES PILL WE’RE IN STOKE ON SEA, BLESS YOUR BEARDY FACE.

Oh, the bad thing about this night was that I broke my camera. I knew something shit had happened in Stoke. I was stood talking to Maz and Shane about something and somehow my camera slipped out of my hand and hit the curb. I picked it up and turned it on, and realised the screen was cracked to shit. Shane saw what had happened and asked me if it was the screen or the lens, so I snapped a photo of him and was really relieved to find it was just the screen. It also resulted in a really hilarious photo, but you know, that was kind of just a handy bonus.

At some point I ran back to the hotel to get some pens or something and bumped into Paula in the lobby of the hotel. I can’t even remember how we started talking but I think it was Tash she was with, and FVK had signed her arms. I don’t even really remember what we talked about but I think we swapped names or I told her my Twitter name or something and we found each other not long after, and then I was treated to the wonderful video of me singing. Again, apologies to anyone who was there. I hope your ears have recovered now.

When the lads left Maz and I decided to go and get food. We walked around the corner from the venue to look for a takeaway and found one with ease, but then we realised the lads were in there. We hovered outside for a bit not knowing whether to go in or not cos we didn’t want it to look like we were following them, but then we realised that hanging around outside probably didn’t look that great either, so we gave up and went in. We weren’t sure to start with whether to acknowledge the lads or not so we just stood awkwardly after we’d ordered until Drew and Shane started talking to us. At one point Dave had challenged Kemp to eat something with some form of really hot sauce on it (I think he filmed it, and in fact I think I saw the video at some later point) and Kemp let out the most amazing sad whine of “I don’t want my food to hurt me!” which was so pathetic I laughed until I cried. What a baby. My only other proper memory of being in the takeaway was Shane asking me If I was vegetarian because I was eating cheesy chips (I wasn’t at that point, so I said ‘no I’m just broke’) and when he commented that our food was taking a long time I told him it was because Maz had ordered pizza, and he tutted at her and said “Maz!” in a very disapproving voice. 

OH! OH AND PILL APPEARING!
When we’d been outside, before the lads had gone to the takeaway, Pill had asked if anyone wanted anything from Tesco cos he was heading down there for something, so I asked him for Red Bull substitute cos we’d run out. I didn’t really think any more of it until he appeared in the takeaway. I remembered what I’d asked him for and asked if he’d got it. He told me he couldn’t find Tesco. Now I know Pill is one of the most easily confused creatures in the universe, but Tesco is in a straight line down from the venue. In fact, I think you can probably even see it from the venue if you stand at the right angle, so something here didn’t add up. As I got closer to him I realised where he’d actually been (I dare not explain further because he'd be in trouble if I did). I laughed at him and said “It’s okay, Pill, I know where you’ve really been.” at which point he burst out laughing and hugged my head.
I know I say it a lot but I really do love that boy.

When we walked back past the venue to get back to our hotel, Maz and I realised Fort Hope were still standing outside. We stopped and asked them if everything was okay. It turned out Gaskin had left his phone in the dressing room, and the people who worked at the venue had locked up for the night. The lads were banging on the door trying to get someone’s attention but it wasn’t working. I pointed out that there was a phone number on the top of the ‘upcoming gigs’ poster and said it might be worth trying that. Simon did. There was no answer. I told Gaskin that if he had to leave really early in the morning I could pick his phone up for him if he liked and give it back to him in Bristol, but he said he didn’t have to rush off so he’d try again in the morning. I tweeted him the next day to ask if he’d got it back and he had.
Bless him.

Until next time,

Meg Mercury xoxo